...but I can't

If there was ONE thing I would love to able to do right now it would be to talk to this special person.....just talk. Lay aside the past and move on from that and see what the present might hold. Its been several years since I have spoken to you but I still hear your voice daily. If I think of you, i imagine what you might say, how you might react, its almost like a prison but I know only i hold the key yet I still keep myself locked inside....longing for you more than ever at times. I do see now how "it is the little things" that make life have meaning. Everytime I hear or see that quote I think of your bathroom wall. Everytime I think of the hill country, its you and the kids that come to mind. I know God has a plan for me. I have prayed about whether you mihgt be in it and for Him to bless it or block it. I have no idea how I will know its blocked. I know He has done a great work in me and taught me so much of His agape love. Selfless love not the selfish love i have known my whole life. He has prepared me and continues to prepare me for His plan. I am able to see how my "things" have at times controlled my life and I am in the process of simplifying it. Getting rid of what is not really needed. I know that you may never have any desire to ever talk to me again. I know that it feels like at times I should move on. I know how that would be so hard to do while serving God where I do . I know I should....