Here I am Lord, take me

Putting on the breastplate of faith

1 Thessalonians 5:8
But let us, who are of the day, be sober, putting on the breastplate of faith and love; and for an helmet, the hope of salvation.
------------
I had a much needed awakening this morning in a form I never would have thought to be positive but it IS true that God works in mysterious ways. I have been living a lie basically all my life. I have always thought of myself as a good Christian man. I am lost and wandering like the sheep waiting on his shepherd to find him and lead him home. I realize how selfish I have been all my life and am on a mission to find Gods purpose in my life and not posting this for the few who stop by to read but as a public cry for prayer for strength. I love God but am not living IN Him, just living BECAUSE of His grace. Please pray that I find my inner self and find inner love.

I was on my way home this morning and had to head back to the junior college for something. If I had not remembered this stop at the JC, I would not have heard the following songs played on The Message on XM. I hope the artists dont mind me using a few of their lines in the following paragraphs. This medley of Christian music played so loudly in my head and to my heart I knew they were meant for me.

First sing was Casting Crowns song "Does Anybody Hear Her?" which has the lines :

"Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?
Or does anybody even know she's going down today
Under the shadow of our steeple
With all the lost and lonely people
Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me
Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?"

Quite a touching chorus and reminding myself a lot of how I feel at times. Up next was Leeland with Brandon Heath and "Follow You" The lyrics again are so touching to my heart and soul.

"All my needs You have supplied
When I was dead You gave me life
So how could I not give it away so freely?
And I´ll Follow You into the homes of the broken
Follow You into the world
Meet the needs for the poor and the needy God
Follow You into the world"


The next song really was the one which brought tears to my eyes and made me realize I had truly just been going through the motions of life both in my everyday life and more importantly as a Christian. The song is "The Motions" by Matthew West. This whole song is amazing so I hope Mr West does not sue me for using them but the song goes as this:

"This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way"

The last song I heard before I had to turn the radio off while making a phone call was by Downhere and the song is "Here I Am". To me this song was basically about surrender. I must surrender to Gods will and quit trying to take charge. I must let Him guide me and be willing to follow. I have many times talked the talk in the past but I have never just let go and let Him work in me and through me. I pray for strength to be able to do this at this time and forever.

"Here I am, Lord send me
Somehow my story is a part of Your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands
Are You not the closest when it's hardest to stand
I know that You will finish what You began"
-------------